A couple of months ago, sometime in August, I had an article I had started to write titled “I’m Scared That: 2017 Fears.” The very first sentence was “I am scared,” and every sentence below that started with “I am scared that…”
Fear is real, and I wanted to be real with you all. However, I didn’t want to rush into posting that article. College arrived, and I never got around to finishing it. Now that my first semester of college is over, and with 2018 coming to a close, I find that I don’t have some of the fears I used to a couple of months ago. I find myself looking back and realizing how much God helped me overcome.
I was scared that I would regret my college decision.
I am not going to lie, for a time I did regret it. There were a lot of changes and adjustments that definitely felt overwhelming at times. Overall, I love my school. I have been able to grow so much in just one semester and can’t wait for what the future years here will hold for me.
I was scared that I wouldn’t adjust to college life well.
Having to move across the country is a huge deal. It’s in a way a culture shock and I was afraid I would not be able to last. But as always God kept me and showed me that I can do more than I think I can. Moving cross country allowed me to meet people that were very different from what I was used to and allowed me to see a whole new culture within this country.
I was scared that I would be alone in college.
I consider myself to be an introvert. I tend to do things on my own. I am not going to lie, the first half of my first semester was lonely sometimes. But through this first semester, I started to learn to do things more on my own and enjoy my own company.
I was scared that college would eat me up.
College is not joke. Since I have taken a gap year, I was worried I would forget some of the stuff I had learned in high school. Honestly, I remembered a lot of what I was taught and was able to use it in college. Forgetting what I had learned ended up not being an issue for me.
I was scared that I wouldn’t recognize the people who don’t have my best interests at heart.
I love people. I love getting to know the people I meet. But there are a lot of wolves in sheep’s clothing out there. I didn’t know if I would be able to tell and recognize those people. Sometimes you just don’t realize it until it is too late. I didn’t want that.
I was scared that I wouldn’t make lifelong friends.
I have great people in my life back home and I wanted to make sure I could have those in college as well. The thing is, I am not much of a surface person. Like I said before, I really like to get to know people and I hate it when things stay as surface relationships for a while. The first half of the semester, I didn’t really have any friends. But the second half of the semester turned out to be a lot better. I think I am off to a really good start. Best of all, I am learning that relationships in college take time. I didn’t grow up with these people, so I am learning patience in this area of my life.
I was scared that I would fail my classes.
I am a perfectionist and getting A’s is a huge deal to me. I knew I would have to adjust to college life, but I was worried that would get in the way of me getting good grades. Stress was adding when getting A’s was the way to keep my scholarship. Thank God I didn’t fail them! My grades ended up being good. I just stressed about them. I already hold myself to really (sometimes unreachable) standards, and to have to get a certain GPA to keep my scholarship added to the stress.
I was scared that I would gain a lot of weight.
Taking care of myself is not something I like to do. I don’t like the gym, but I thought I would be doing college club sports. Turns out they cost hundreds of dollars. So I tried doing an intramural sport. I didn’t play a lot in that, but hopefully next semester I will be more active in another sport. Even though the campus way bigger than what I was used to, I still gained weight. But that’s ok. It happens. I’m not perfect. This was a fear of mine because it would take me away from doing what I really wanted to do, which is lose weight and get in shape, and overall take better care of myself. It’s a work in progress.
All of these fears have to do with college. I probably even left some out. College can be scary. It’s not that I didn’t trust God, it’s that I was learning how to trust God in this new area of life.
And I am still learning.